With February being a traditional month celebrating couple love, I thought some of you might be inspired by an article I wrote a few years ago titled: Cheap Dates for Cheapskates. It fits with trying to live more lightly.
In fact, one doesn’t need to be married or dating to do many of the date activities listed below. Single folk can do many of the activities alone or join with friends.
“Cheap” usually has a negative connotation of being a Scrooge or a penny-pincher or buying something of low quality. I prefer to think of myself as frugal or thrifty. When it comes to building a strong marriage, however, creativity is more important than cost. Regularity is more life-giving than one time extravaganzas. It is in this spirit that I share with you a custom that my husband and I have been faithful to for about 30 years – our weekly date.
It all started when we had three young children and moved to a new city. Our lives were in upheaval with so many changes yet we knew that unless our marriage was strong, we’d have a much harder time nurturing our children and giving of ourselves to others. Our love is our foundation, but it could too easily be swamped with setting up a household, job demands, and all the daily stresses of an active life. We decided to save one night a week just for us.
First a note about our strategy. We knew that in order for this to work, we had to make it a priority and not give way to the human temptation to say, “Well, this weekend we have a lot coming up, let’s just skip it this week and bump it to next week. We decided to pencil Fridays into our respective calendars as our default date night for the whole year. Of course, life happens and not every Friday was free. Our answer to this inevitability was to agree we could switch any given Friday to another night that week, but not omit it. With rare exceptions this worked.
The next potential obstacle was that we had little discretionary money. Necessity prompted us to look for inexpensive ways to have fun and nurture our relationship. The traditional movie date could become too routine over time plus the price of pop and popcorn these days…(Did I say I was cheap?) Besides, movies get us sitting next to each other but not looking at each other, and routine can dull ardor. Going to dinner and a play is classic and would be a nice treat, but not something we could afford on a frequent basis.
Then of course there were our cherished and omni-present kids. As much as we love them, we needed adult couple time. We made it a top priority to recruit a cadre of reliable babysitters. We asked friends for recommendations and watched for responsible teens who weren’t hunks or gorgeous but did have siblings. Getting a sitter, however, can be a burden so we alternated who was responsible for scheduling the sitter each week.
Getting a break from kids is a stress release in itself but not all dates have to involve leaving home. We sometimes didn’t have the energy or money for a night out plus a sitter. Thus, the concept of having “home dates” was born. The goal was to be able to stay up significantly later than the kids. To do this we would sometimes give each other nap time during the evening so that we wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of an intimate conversation. We might then have a late dinner by candlelight or sit by a roaring fire. (Substitute a lot of lit candles if you don’t have a fireplace.) Playing a game for two or sharing on an imaginative topic might round out the evening.
Once the logistics of saving the time and place and making childcare arrangements is done, there’s still the challenge of what do we do and who is going to plan it? Our solution was to alternate who planned the date so that the burden didn’t always fall on the same spouse. This also often provided the element of surprise. Even if watching a wrestling match isn’t my idea of fun, the anticipation and humor of it was a gift. Besides, next week I could decide that we would try our hands at origami.
Although our budget isn’t always this tight, following are some free or inexpensive dates that we’ve tried:
Outside Dates:
- Go to a local park or place of nature. Bring a blanket and a snack. In greater Cincinnati we are blessed with spots along the Ohio River. Watch the lights along the river and talk.
- Early evening bike rides. If a bike trail is convenient it makes the riding more pleasant and less work.
- Twilight hikes in the woods with a good flashlight or a nature guide.
- Watch a fall high school band competition and reminisce about our own high school days.
Inside:
- Dress up. Go to one of the expensive downtown hotels with a nice lobby. Relax, chat, maybe have a drink and pretend that you’re registered there.
- Go to the airport, train or bus station. Sit where you can watch passengers arrive. Watch loved one’s reunite and mysterious people go on their way. Make up stories about the passengers you see and why they’ve come to your area. Perhaps add a prayer for those who look like the purpose of their travel might be a crisis or unhappy occasion.
- Usher at a local theater. See some great shows for the price of a flashlight and a little extra time.
- Go window-shopping downtown or at one of the malls.
Home Dates:
- Play scrabble (or other board games or cards for two). Note: Be sure you are of relatively equal ability and the rules are mutually acceptable or this can backfire. Trust me, I know.
- Anything in front of the fireplace with popcorn. (Sharing topic: Each write down 5 to 10 favorite times we’ve had together over our marriage. Reminisce.)
- Rent a classic, nostalgic video like Casablanca.
- Roll up the rug, put on some dance music from your courting days and dance till you collapse.
For more date ideas see 52 Weeks of Creative Dates on my website: www.SusanVogt.net. http://susanvogt.net/PDF/52%20Weeks%20of%20Creative%20Dates%20rev.pdf
WAITING: As Christians approach the season of Advent – the season of waiting again for Christ to be born – I am reminded about how hard it often is to wait. For birthdays, for your beloved to return home, for a healing. Yet, I remember that waiting for something important to happen is part of the joy when the special day, special person, arrives. The old trope, “Absence makes the waiting for heart grow fonder” may seem unduly romantic but there is something about waiting for a good thing to happen that makes it more precious. We may not like the waiting, but if every day were your birthday, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Sooo, waiting for Christmas multiplies the joy.
