Beyond Halloween, October is the height of election season in the USA and this can be scarry. Political conversations rule the news and penetrate many of our conversations – with both friends and opponents. So how should decent, loving citizens listen to news and to each other?
- On one hand, we can stay in our bubble of mainly interacting with people who agree with us and ignoring media that differs from our positions. This is comfortable but being blind and deaf to differences doesn’t improve the status quo – and the current status quo is not leading to any improvement.
On the other hand, we can argue, protest, and try to persuade. This can cause tension within families, among co-workers, and the general public. It can also create personal emotional stress as our anger at others and internal angst increases.
A 3rd Way is to Listen First. This may feel overly passive at first, but it is the first real step to genuine dialogue and potential positive improvements. It’s also the step that feels most challenging to me since I like to be clear about my position on political and spiritual topics and move toward actions that will make a positive change – Now!
So, what does the Listen First process look like and might it just lead to a stalemate and no action?
GUIDELINES:
- Assess my relationship: Is the person I am engaging with a family member, a neighbor, a friend, a co-worker, or simply an acquaintance or passer-by? If it is someone I’m close to, it’s worth the effort. If it is a stranger, is the other open to dialogue or are they too busy or so adamant about their position that all they want to do is change my mind/vote. Don’t waste time on the latter.
Listen: If the “other” is receptive to discussion, start by listening carefully and quietly to their thinking.- Confirm Your Listening: Occasionally paraphrase what they’ve said to check that you understand them correctly.
- Discern Areas of Common Values: Seek out areas of agreement. Basic values that you both share.
- Seek Deep Understanding: Learn the life experiences or media that lead your “friend” to the positions they hold. Perhaps there has been a trauma, abuse, or simply their peers or friendship group expose them primarily to a different take on an issue than you take.
State a Specific Point of Difference: It may be a method of implementing a value or you may disagree on a basic value. Don’t hide your position but try to build on a common value you hold and affirm your respect for someone differing on implementation.
Affirm your Relationship: You may not change anyone’s mind. That’s OK. You can continue to disagree without being disagreeable. Check out if additional resources would be helpful on either side. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth as you know it while still being open to new, credible information.
Speak Truth to Power: While your conversation partner may not be in a position of power or influence, that doesn’t stop you from translating your own insights and facts into the public sphere and “speaking truth to power.” This can include working on systemic change, writing, becoming involved in community and national change groups, etc.
Always – Be respectful but brave.
WAITING: As Christians approach the season of Advent – the season of waiting again for Christ to be born – I am reminded about how hard it often is to wait. For birthdays, for your beloved to return home, for a healing. Yet, I remember that waiting for something important to happen is part of the joy when the special day, special person, arrives. The old trope, “Absence makes the waiting for heart grow fonder” may seem unduly romantic but there is something about waiting for a good thing to happen that makes it more precious. We may not like the waiting, but if every day were your birthday, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Sooo, waiting for Christmas multiplies the joy.
