Living Lightly

Susan Vogt on living more simply but abundantly

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365+#47: Rnd 2 -Slacks, Sweater +S

February 8, 2013 No comments
Scarves in back

Scarves in back

…and Smugness. Today I selected to give away:

  • 4 pairs of slacks
  • 2 sweaters
  • 8 scarves

But what I found that was hard to give away was feeling SMUG. I was feeling quite virtuous about continuing to find clothes to pass on to others when I reflected that since I work at home, I really don’t need as big a wardrobe as someone who needs to meet the public in professional attire most days. I realized that I was feeling quite smug and needed to let go of it. That’s the real challenge to my spirituality these days – trying not to feel self-righteous and smug.

 

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365+#46: Rnd 2 -Shirts, Skirts, Suits

January 31, 2013 1 comment
Days 365+46 shirts-dresses-skirt

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In keeping with my Round 1 order of “S’s” I looked through my wardrobe of shirts, skirts, and suits. I’m surprised that even though I pruned my closet over a year ago, there were still items that I hadn’t worn in years. I found:

  • 4 shirts (OK, I’d really call them blouses but that doesn’t begin with S)
  • 2 skirts
  • 2 dresses (broadly re-categorized as “suits” for alliterative purposes).

Days 365+46--black skirtSome of these choices were easy(like this basic little black skirt) since I had two of them.

A few decisions were tougher. Even though I hadn’t worn some items in over a year, they still looked nice and fit well. I decided to take Courtney Carver’s advice and keep only the items I absolutely loved. (Courtney does a blog called Be More With Less that I’ve found to be very helpful and compatible with my values.)

Days 365+46 hankie dressI still had one problem, however. There’s one more dress that’s very elegant, expensive, and rare. It’s called a “Hankie Dress.”  It looks beautiful on but it would require a really unique occasion to wear it. I asked the two men who were having a meeting downstairs while I was deliberating whether or not to give it away. They tied, which leaves me still undecided. What’s your opinion?

Lesson: So far I’m hanging on to the dress. It’s important to keep pruning but everything doesn’t have to go at once.

PS: What would be the easiest piece of clothing in your closet to let go of? What would be the hardest?

PPS: A big thanks to William Cawthron of Alpha Hosting (formerly Dixie Systems) who helped me work out the bugs in my blog. 

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365+#45: Rnd 2 -Snow Suits

January 15, 2013 No comments

Our adult children were all home for Christmas. Hurrah! I hoped they would take some of the stuff I had been saving (especially for our grandchildren) back with them. A few things traveled to a new home but I again found that items that I’d been saving did not fit the taste or circumstances of the new parents. I decided to interrupt the order that I used in my first round of giveaways (shoes, shirts, skirts, suits, slacks, sweaters…) and jump to children’s winter clothes. Several snow suits and winter sweaters can be used by other children NOW. No reason to be a slave to the original order.

Unfortunately, upon closer inspection I also noticed that several of the items needed mending. Ugh. It’s hard to be a responsible giver.

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365+#44: Rnd 2 -Shoes

January 2, 2013 No comments

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My first shoe purge in 2010 got me from 30 pairs of shoes to 13 pairs – the national average. This was progress, but since I work at home, heels hurt my feet, and I really don’t care much about shoe fashion, I felt that certainly I could do better. I just reviewed my shoe wardrobe, but was only able to decrease it to 11 pairs. This doesn’t sound like much reduction but my rationale is that I bet the national average does not include boots and slippers. I’m counting everything!

Today, instead of showing what shoes I’m giving away, I decided to take a photo of which shoes I’m keeping and why. In studying my shoes I realized that 90% of the time I only wear 2 or 3 pair. The other shoes are for back-up or special occasions. Why not give away all those extras? Good question. My justification is that it would be a waste of time and money to go out and buy a fancy pair of shoes for the once or twice a year dressy event I might go to. Likewise, even though I only need snow boots several times a year, I want to have them around when it does snow.

  • 1st Row: Shoes I wear almost every day depending on season (cozy bedroom slippers, all purpose semi dressy sandals, all purpose summer walking sandals, all purpose winter comfortable shoes)
  • 2nd Row: Back-up shoes that I seldom wear, but use for special occasions (travel slippers, fancier flats, water socks for walking along rocky streams, back up casual  shoes that don’t look too dworky when worn with black slacks)
  • 3rd Row: Unique need shoes (extra fancy shoes with heels that are comfortable enough in case another child gets married or I get invited to the Oscars and need to have shoes that look dressy and I can also dance in; snow boots; semi-snow boots for looking professional during the winter)

So this is the best I can do for now. Do any of you, simple-lifestyle loving readers, have other solutions to taming the multiplication of shoes?

PS: Oh oh! I just realized that I have two pairs of shoes in my dance bag that I only use for contra dancing. I forgot about those when I took the photo and counted. But I really must have those and do wear them weekly. Hmm, maybe the Oscar shoes can go and I could wear socks instead of travel slippers.

Update (1 month later): I wore those “semi-snow boots” today for a walk and slipped twice. Jim said I should throw them out. “It’s not worth a sprained ankle or worse.” I have to admit he’s right. I took them off when I got home and planned to trash them. Now I just looked for them and they’re nowhere to be found. I think Jim threw them in the garbage lest I lose courage and decide to keep them. 😕

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365+#43: Bah Humbug

December 15, 2012 1 comment

This is nothing.

(Make sure you read my PS at the end.) It’s the Christmas shopping season. Today I went into a store. Maybe it’s been too long. I was astounded by the prices for stuff I considered junk – clothes that didn’t look flattering or stylish, toys that were mostly modeled after cartoon characters or required batteries and played inane songs, electronics that would take way too much time to figure out the best deal. The problem is that I really want to buy a Christmas gift for each member of our immediate family, but I also don’t want to waste money on stuff that doesn’t deserve it. (Unfortunately, I don’t really enjoy cooking so that kind of gift won’t work.)

Several years ago our family did what we called a “Nothing New Christmas.” We agreed not to buy anything new for each other but rather to make things, buy stuff used, or provide a service. I was impressed with each person’s creativity and it was fun – for one year. We decided not to repeat it the next year, but now I’m afraid I’m feeling quite bah humbugish. Maybe it’s the Christmas over-hype. Maybe I’m tired of Christmas starting earlier. (It feels like it’s been going for almost as long as the recent election cycle.) I miss the quiet, waiting in the dark; the feeling of longing that goes with Advent. Maybe I’m just getting old. 🙁

Bottom line? I didn’t buy anything. Giving stuff away has made me more cognizant of what is really worth buying and having. It’s nice to have a few nice things, but having a lot of stuff no longer appeals to me. Perhaps if I still had young children at home it would be different. They need clothes as they grow and I don’t begrudge kids some toys and entertainment beyond banging on pots and making a fort in the woods or the living room. Still, the over consumerism of our society is starting to wear me down. Can’t we just get together, enjoy each other with some food, play a game, and sing. It used to be so much simpler.

Maybe I’m just in a bad mood. Maybe it will pass. Maybe some chocolate would help.

PS: After reading this post over, I started to realize that it was a downer and I needed to exercise my “Gratitude Offensive.” When I get into a funk or start complaining or being unduly judgmental I’ve been trying to train myself to STOP and notice all the good things that are happening in my life (or at least realize that it could be a lot worse.) So, I did a quick mental review of things I am grateful for today:

  1. At least I recognized that I slipped into being judgmental, had the good sense to try to turn it around.
  2. There’s a whole lot of people who are prompted at Christmas time to see how they can give to others. There are also people who still love me despite my complaining,
  3. I’m not sick plus we have health insurance.
  4. I have good friends  – one of whom invited us over for dinner tonight.
  5. I didn’t miss my plane the other day – even though the timing was tight.
  6. I still have some chocolate mousse in the fridge.
Beyond Stuff, Extra Fun ,

365+#42: Deleting People

December 2, 2012 3 comments

Yesterday, I sent out my periodic email Blog Alert to friends. I do this every 2 or 3 months so as not to pester people. (Not everyone checks my blog compulsively every day 😕 ) Since I’ve recently changed my email to a Gmail address, I decided to use Gmail for this bulk mailing for the first time. The problem was that I imported all 1,500 of my previous contacts from the past 10 years and didn’t prune them. Many were from my Marriage Moments and Parenting Pointers lists that I now manage through a separate account. Result? I received about 300 bounced addresses. Many of these are people I never personally knew but many were former colleagues in family ministry across the country. I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and at least delete the addresses that bounced.

It was a sobering experience. Each time I deleted a name of a person I knew, I wondered if they had moved, quit their job, retired, or maybe even died. I wondered if the married couples were still married. It was like going through an old scrap book and having a bitter/sweet experience of calling to mind people I had shared ministry with, wondering what had happened to them, but being happy to clean out defunct addresses. What happens to all those people we lose contact with through life? It’s impossible to keep close to everyone (According to Dunbar’s Number, human beings have enough mental space to keep track of only 150 meaningful relationships.) but still, people move and change. Hmmm.

 

Beyond Stuff , ,

365+#41: ‘No returns’ turns into virtue

November 29, 2012 No comments

Click to see pretty new button

Jim informed me that I needed new jeans. He was right. A hole was starting in my “good” pair. No problem. I went to our trusty Gap Outlet where I knew I could get a pair cheap. I was on a tight schedule, however, so I quickly chose a pair of jeans missing the button. No problem. I have extra buttons and can easily sew one on. Since they were also a little long on me I asked the clerk if I could return them if needed. “No problem,” she said. “As long as it’s within 30 days.” Returned home and remembered my sewing machine was broken and I wasn’t sure when I would get around to having it fixed and shortening the jeans. No problem. I decided to buy another pair at a closer store and return the Gap jeans. This all fit within my “one in, one out” policy since I would trash my oldest pair with a really big hole, the aging jeans would become my gardening jeans, and I would return the Gap jeans, leaving me again with only two pairs of jeans. I knew I had 30 days. Being the organized person that I am, on day 28, I trek out to the Gap Outlet, receipt in hand, to return them and fulfill my “one in, one out” protocol.

Whoa! This clerk said they don’t take returns since it’s an outlet.

Need a new plan. I need to get rid of the third pair of jeans or else I have to fire myself from this blog. I could just give them to Goodwill, but being the conscientious person that I am, I decide to go ahead and sew a new button on anyway. Now I’m feeling pretty virtuous as I put the repaired jeans into my “give away pile.”

But wait…Is feeling virtuous a lack of humility; a sin of pride? Wow, sometimes we overthink these things. Better just to sew on the button, give the jeans away, and not tell anybody about it – except you all. 😕

PS: While I’m in confessional mode, I might as well admit that last summer I bought a black shrug that I wore once and decided it didn’t work. It’s in that same “give away pile.” Time to give away the give away pile.

The Process , ,

365+#40: Black Friday

November 21, 2012 No comments

To buy or not to buy – That is the question. The word “black” can be a source of pride or despair. In the Great Depression it meant the economy was in crisis. For the day after Thanksgiving it has come to mean the beginning of the Christmas shopping season when retailers move from red ink to black – meaning that they start to make a profit. The “Buy Nothing Day” movement was started to counteract the extreme consumerism of the day after Thanksgiving.

So, that’s the history. What does it mean for me? For us? There was a time in our family’s life when we were so bargain conscious that this day was seen as a great time to save money. One of our kids who was old enough to drive joined the frenzy of going to an electronics store early in the morning to get a deal on a new computer. This was partly the fun of the chase but also motivated by our very modest income.

  • My socially conscious side says that we need not strive to accumulate more than we need. After all, that’s what this blog is all about – letting go of stuff. Thus I am very sympathetic to the “Buy Nothing Day” idea – at least for one day as a symbolic stance. After all, isn’t Thanksgiving weekend one of the few respites we have from consumerism? We can focus on family, food, and football, not more stuff. (OK, “stuffing” is allowed in the name of tradition.) It’s a time to play games and talk about relatives, dead and alive.
  • But, my other socially conscious side says, “Hey, merchants have to make a living, people need jobs, and this is good for the economy. Besides, if it’s on sale, I can save money and (in the best of worlds) donate that saved money to a good cause.

Well, it’s complicated, isn’t it? Does your family struggle with dilemmas like this or are you just too turkey tired to get into the Black Friday rat race? As for me and mine, we’re at the stage of life that when the family gets together we play games – cards, Settlers of Catan, or “Who can tell the best embarrassing story about another family member.” Remember when…

Extra Fun, The Process ,

365+#39: Something Hard / Soft

November 12, 2012 2 comments

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Something’s are hard to let go of and something’s are a pleasure to give away. First the hard one. A few days ago I had a car accident. It was totally my fault and nobody was hurt except my pride. I made too sharp a right hand turn into a parking lot and two boulders jumped out in front of my car. With my car perched on top of these two rocks I couldn’t go forward or backward. I was stuck. It was mostly embarrassing but I knew it would also be expensive. (All car repairs are expensive.)

The tow truck came; I borrowed my son’s car to get home after my meeting; and then I started to feel sorry for myself. The garage said we would be without our beloved Honda hybrid for a couple weeks. Since we had proudly downsized to one car, I figured this would mean a stint of borrowing cars and rides from friends, organizing my errands more carefully, and maybe walking or riding a bike when normally I would have just jumped in the car. And what if it couldn’t be repaired? That would be a real tragedy since this Honda had been a real find and we were so pleased that it was a hybrid. After my pity party subsided a bit, Jim told me that our car insurance would pay for a rental car. I relaxed and thanked God for such things as insurance. The hard part was letting go of my pride and comfort.

The experience, however, got me in touch with the reality that many people are forced into living car-less. Coincidentally, a couple hours after the accident I saw a post by a fellow blogger talking about downsizing cars. I started following it and discovered the creative ways that many people have gone totally car free and what obstacles prevent others from doing the same. Hmmm. I don’t think that’s the route we’ll take in the near future, but it’s something to think about. Still, seeing the front end damage to our beloved car was hard.

So what’s the “soft” side of this story? Shortly after the car episode, I heard that a friend’s computer crashed and he lost everything on it. Now that’s a crisis. I’m no computer guru so I couldn’t think of ways to help – at least not technically.

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But then I thought about what I had wanted after the car accident – emotional support. If the accident couldn’t be undone, at least I hoped for compassion and not blame. I looked around the house to find something comforting, other than food. I found a very soft little home made creature. I’m not even sure what animal it’s supposed to be but it’s just so much fun and soothing to touch. I decided to give it to my friend when I see him at a meeting this week. Now I feel better.

Extra Fun ,

365+#38: Invisibility – Zen Question

October 31, 2012 No comments

This is really a mirror image of me.

When can something that helps you see be invisible? No, it’s not Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak but a 36”x 60” mirror that I had stashed behind two dressers 30 years ago when we moved into this house. As I’ve been giving more stuff away, I’m finding things I forgot I had (or maybe it testifies to my efficient storage skills). This mirror is so big, parts of it were in plain sight but I only noticed it when I cleared off the top of the dressers. I thought it would be hard to find a home for this white elephant since mirrors are hard to transport – I tried Freecycle but the “taker” never took. Next I sent an email out to neighbors and, voila, a family half a block away claimed it and walked it to their house.

Extra Fun , ,

365+#37: Random Acts of Kindness

October 14, 2012 No comments

Cincinnati, Ohio recently hosted The World Choir Games. The city put on its best face, cleaning up the streets, bringing out new “flying pigs,” and extending our beautiful riverfront park system. The only thing that outperformed civic pride was the fabulous singers from all over the world. It was wonderful, but even more wonderful was an act I observed from a distance at one of their free concerts in a local park. It was a VERY HOT July evening and at the beginning of the concert the MC especially welcomed visitors from other countries. I noticed that a group near us was from Norway. A few minutes later I noticed a man with his daughter walking toward them with several snow cones. He offered them to the guests. They returned puzzled glances but then graciously accepted the refreshing treats. What an act of international diplomacy. I marveled; was proud of this unknown stranger; and then felt embarrassed that I hadn’t thought to do something similar. Ah, human nature is basically good after all.

To keep this politically neutral, here are campaign signs for 2 nonpartisan local races.

Fast forward to this political campaign season. (Actually one hardly has to fast forward since it’s been going on for almost a year now.) The incivility, rudeness, misleading ads, and stealing of campaign signs is rampant in this swing state. I am embarrassed again – but this time for my fellow citizens. Today I will go to Church and hope there are not blatant, politically partisan, or misleading comments or literature. After that I will do canvassing for the candidate of my choice. Some are bound to disagree with me. Even though I feel strongly that my candidate and related issues will best serve the common good, I am going to try hard to be civil in my discourse. Strongly principled people still need to be kind.

…10 hours later. OK, I just returned from campaigning. In addition to being civil and friendly to the people who answered my door knocks, regardless of their political persuasion, I had hoped to find an opportunity to do a random act of kindness. I had just contacted my last name who happened to be working at a corner bar, but regretfully no one had leapt out in front of me needing an act of kindness. I did, however, see a discarded cup on the ground. I decided that this was probably the best I could do – be kind to the earth. So, I picked up the cup and walked back to the bar to ask if I could put it in their trash can. The guy at the door just kept saying, “Hey, let me fill that up for you with a free Coke. We appreciate the work you’re doing.” I said, “No, it’s really just trash, but thanks for offering.” Again, others keep outdoing me in kindness. Maybe this is a metaphor for God’s lavish kindness.

Beyond Stuff ,

365+#36: Saving Money Takes Time

October 3, 2012 2 comments

Jim and I just got back from a combination work, camping, and volunteer excursion out west. During the camping phase I confirmed the truism that it takes time to save money. We were not camping to save money since we enjoy tent camping and the awesome and unique beauty of Bryce Canyon in Utah was a priceless experience; BUT we did have to buy groceries.

We went to the grocery store in the last town before the national park, but alas, it was Sunday and many stores in Utah close on Sundays. The next available place we found to buy groceries was at the park entrance. We knew this would be more expensive but what choice did we have? We looked at the prices and realized it would be at least twice as expensive as a standard grocery store. We could drive another ½ hour to the next town and hope it had an open grocery store, but we opted to pay the higher prices for the convenience and time we would save. My ultra-frugal side fretted for a while but then I realized that the price of gas alone might have eliminated any savings. Oh well… This reminded me of a number of other “save money vs. save time” dilemmas.

Dilemma #1: The time vs. money ratio
For example it takes time to:

  • Clip coupons or redeem a rebate.
  • Search the internet for the best deal.
  • Repair a piece of clothing or broken dish vs. buying a new one.

-For those who have more money than time, the decision is relatively easy – pay for it.
-For those who have more time than money, it’s a necessity.
-For those who have little of both, it’s a frustrating challenge.
But then there are people like me who have enough money, but not any to waste; some time, but many things we want to do with it. One of our kids keeps reminding me that time IS money, but I have to admit that I also take great satisfaction in the thrill of the hunt for a bargain – even if it took more time. (This is probably where I meet my nemesis, but I also find some pretty good deals.)

Dilemma #2: Saving money vs. buying quality and morally
Yes, I get some pretty good deals but at what cost? A conscientious person might remind me that:

  • A great deal might be at the cost of exploiting human labor in the US or other countries.
  • A carbon intensive product, or one that requires shipping, can shorten our planet’s lifespan. Sure, my one purchase may not impact the ozone layer but what if everybody bought like this? The few pennies saved would be cancelled out by the irretrievable cost to the environment.
  • A flimsy garment that soon comes apart at the seams may offset any savings.

It’s complicated. In your ongoing quest for living lightly and simply, where do you draw the line? Do you sacrifice your time or pay a higher price for convenience? Do you buy the bargain, no matter where it came from? Why?

Beyond Stuff, The Process , , ,

365+#35: Pet peeves–To let go or not

September 15, 2012 No comments

A few of my pet peeves are:

  • Unnecessary use of bottled water
  • Over packaging
  • Radio interviewees who respond to the host’s “Thank you” with “Thank you” instead of “You’re welcome.”
  • Dragged music at church
  • Singing Happy Birthday to an individual in a large random group of people. (Although this probably sounds petty of me, I can’t help but think that the odds of someone else having the same birthday (and thus being slighted) are high. (The odds of any 2 people having the same birthday in a group of 23 are 50/50. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4542341

Biggest Pet Peeve:

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BUT, my biggest, recent pet peeve is the planned obsolescence of what used to be the standard size mattress. Jim and I have had a standard mattress since our wedding 40+ years ago. It still works fine. A few of our fitted sheets, however, are worn and need replacing. As I shopped for a replacement set I found that most stores now only sell sheets for the extra deep mattresses (15” pockets) My opinion is that the change to deeper mattresses has nothing to do with more comfort but with creating an artificial need for new, more plush looking bed and all the new bedding that must be bought to go with it. I admit there is a certain charm to the look of these higher beds (sort of a romantic throwback to Victorian times) BUT they are not practical for me. I can’t sit on a high bed to take my shoes off and for some I need a stool to climb into bed. Short people unite for lower beds!

This is annoying and a pet peeve because now I can’t find fitted sheets that fit without buying a new mattress. (Maybe I should adopt the Asian custom of simply sleeping on a pad. They look rested.)

What to do?
Search the internet of course. Here’s what I found. With the exception of buying expensive, made to order sheets, the most common solution offered was to buy elastic straps to hold the sheets on. One brand is Grippit. Often they are called “sheet suspenders.” I suppose these will tighten the larger sheets to make them fit more snuggly but their primary audience is people who have the deeper mattresses whose old sheets slip off because they’re now too small.

Best solution:
One search suggested a classic and ironic solution – Go to thrift stores or ask older relatives if they have any extra sheets. When the early adopters went to the higher mattresses, their sheets often went to Goodwill. I did that and found one set. I then found another through an older friend who got them at an auction. Hmmm, not a quick, buy it online solution.

Back to pet peeves:
Still, the original question remains. Should I just let go of my pet peeves and the annoyances that I carry with me? Wouldn’t this lighten my mind and my life? It depends on whether the pet peeve leads me to take action to right a wrong; or if it’s simply a personal preference. Bottled water and over-packaging are causes worth fighting for. I’ll keep them. “You’re welcome.” and singing Happy Birthday are probably not hurting anyone. I’ll let go of them. I’ve already talked with our music director about dragging the music and I think it’s getting better. So there!

PS: Now don’t get me started on all those decorative pillows that one has to toss on the floor before getting into bed.

Beyond Stuff , ,

365+#34: Kid’s Stuff – Tables Turned

August 31, 2012 2 comments

All four of our children are sprung, but not their stuff. We still store memorabilia, some clothes, and high school papers that one 30 something can’t possibly part with. In their defense two of our children live out of the country, and one has a two room apartment with no storage space. The fourth young adult? Well…it’s complicated. During my first year of purging I implored each of them to tell me what absolutely must be saved and what I could give away. They all answered similarly – almost everything was a treasure. Please don’t give it away.

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Thus, I was delighted when our daughter made a home visit from Afghanistan and said that her birthday present to me would be to sort through her stuff and identify give-aways. Great! I eagerly awaited the results.

True to her word, Heidi did produce a decent sized pile of things she no longer wanted. What I didn’t expect was that she also included in her pile additional items of OURS that she thought cluttered the house and WE no longer needed. Some I agreed with, others I didn’t. It’s interesting how a different pair of eyes appraises what is important or a necessity. For example,

  • Heidi’s give aways
    Click to enlarge

    She was happy to give away all HER pretty childhood dresses. (I’ve been saving them for when our 3 year old granddaughter gets to be 4-10.)

  • She saw no need for the paperback1989 Desk Encyclopedia or 1992 World Almanac. “That’s what the internet is for!” (Easy for someone with a smart phone to say but OUR computers are rooms away.) In my mind, these are quick dining room reference books to settle dinner debates about what country in Africa is completely surrounded by another country.
  • OK, I agree that the silk flower arrangement does look a little shabby and is a pain to dust. (Wait, I never dust it. Maybe that’s why it looked so disposable.)
  • Meanwhile the boxes of college files and Peace Corps artifacts didn’t count because, “Oh, mom, they’re neatly packed up on that high shelf. It’s hardly a bother to keep them.”

So, as with most things in life we compromised. Actually I compromised since she’s gone again to far off places and I have the final say. 😕

Thoughts to ponder:

  • Are there things that members of your family value differently?
  • Which things are you willing to let go of but they aren’t (and vice versa)?
  • Have you ever been to a friend’s home and thought, “Hey, I could clear out a lot of the clutter here.”
  • What would the friend say if visiting your home?
The Process , ,

365+#33: Giving Someone Time

August 15, 2012 1 comment

Sometimes the best part of giving something away is finding the right person to give it to. My husband and I have been hosting two Korean teenage girls for the summer. They are delightful, polite, and always helpful. They arrived shortly after my watch broke. Wait, there’s a connection.

I assumed that my watch simply needed a new battery. That was true but having already replaced the battery many times the little groove that enables you to slip the back off and replace the battery had become stripped. I couldn’t do it. My local discount store that sells watches and helps with these technical things verified that it was the battery but couldn’t fix it either. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and get a new watch. I did. But, in a fit of overcompensating I later went back to the store and a more experienced sales clerk happened to be on duty. She replaced the battery, got it all back together, and voila, I had a back up watch.

This is where the Korean teens come in. I noticed neither of them had a watch. (You know, teens consider that that’s what cell phones are for.)  But their cell phone didn’t work in the USA. So, I said, “If one of you would like to have this watch, I’m happy to give it to you.” Everybody wins. I feel generous and satisfied that the watch has gone to a good cause and Suwan has a working watch – although I dare her to ever get the battery replaced.

But giving someone time is bigger than giving them a watch. One of the things I’ve been struggling with is how much time to give the girls. Now that our own children have been sprung, Jim and I have settled in to a comfortable pattern of work, prayer, household duties, and recreation. We pretty much isolate ourselves at our computers for long stretches during the day. It works for us. Hosting someone, however, requires paying some attention to them. We can’t just escape to our caves and happily hibernate. So, we’ve taken long walks, showed them the bus system, enrolled them in some tutoring classes, taught them some new games, and basically just take time to hang out and talk, albeit in somewhat basic English. It’s been a combination of fascinating, draining, and guilt inducing since I continue to feel that I’m not giving them enough quality time. It’s hard to know how much is enough.

One of the gifts they’ve given us is the gift of time and food. Korean cuisine often entails a lot of chopping and a lot of time. They’ve treated us with a number of scrumptious foods. One of my favorites is gim bap which is a Korean version of sushi. See left. We took this batch to our local Catholic Worker House when it was our turn to cook. We give, we take, we repeat. Who needs your time this week?

Beyond Stuff ,

365+#32: Letting Go Of Safety

July 31, 2012 1 comment

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Some people should take more risks, some less – that would be some of our children. Generally I’m a risk averse person. I’m cautious and long ago decided that if I’m going to die a tragic death, it should be for a cause. Thus, being shot while in a civil rights protest or because I stopped to help a person in distress would be tragic, but worth it. On the other hand, sky diving or bungee jumping would not count as worth the risk. My husband, Jim, however, has a different attitude.

Last Christmas he hinted that a really neat Christmas gift would be to fly in a glider plane. Now Jim is not a reckless person either so he didn’t want to make his own plane or fly solo, but he did want to be up in the air without an engine. So, dutiful wife that I am, I found a reputable place that lets a person fly a glider (under the supervision of a trained instructor). By April the weather was conducive and he claimed his Christmas present. It was a calculated risk and probably safe enough but that didn’t mean I didn’t pray and check our life insurance; nor did I fully relax till he was safely down.

This was also around the time that we decided to take a trip to Afghanistan to visit our daughter who is an international correspondent there. (We had procrastinated for several years thinking it was too dangerous or we wouldn’t even be allowed in.) She finally persuaded us that she would take us only to safe places, that we needed to come before she moved to another country, and it would be best to come before the “fighting season” began. Hmmm. Besides, she often reminds us that she (or we) could easily be killed crossing the street or by an elevator in New York City. Was this a worthy risk?

I decided that the visiting our daughter in a war zone qualified as dying for a worthy cause. Yes, it was worth it. We were greatly enriched and educated by the experience. We didn’t die – didn’t even get sick or break a sweat, although we did have to go through numerous security check points. We ended up feeling pretty safe. The irony is that several months after we returned we found that one of the “safe” restaurants we ate at was the scene of a late night attack by Taliban insurgents who killed 18 patrons. Hmmm.

How much risk are YOU willing to take for a cause? What are you willing to die for?

PS: Other risks that Jim recently took:

Taking swimming lessons and then jumping into the deep end of a pool

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Letting us blindfold him and paint his big toe nail with red polish

 

Extra Fun , , ,

365+#32: Oh oh, I’m being used…

July 15, 2012 1 comment

…But being used in a good way. As my reputation grows for being a “go to person” for where to take used but usable clothes, toys, kitchen supplies, etc., I’ve found that people are starting to drop things off at my house. One reason is that my parish has an in-house thrift store and since I’m there almost every Sunday, it’s easy to take things with me to church and drop them off. People who know me, know that. Problem! The parish has just decided to close the thrift store. This is unfortunate but there are many places to take good stuff (like St. Vincent de Paul and Goodwill) plus, as I’ve mentioned before, Viet Vets and the Lupus Foundation make regular stops at your front door to pick up stuff. So I don’t mind storing this stuff for a couple weeks. The latest “drop off” already came in a convenient bag so I’m just passing it on as is.

To make this a legitimate give-away of my own, I’ve added a few miscellaneous dresses and jackets that I’ve found I haven’t worn in awhile. It’s not so bad being used. It’s a way to pay it forward. Besides, occasionally I find something that I want to keep myself. J I doubt that my donors would mind.

The Process , ,

365+#31: Letting Go of Familiar Ways

July 1, 2012 1 comment

For a variety of reasons, I recently decided to change my email address from a local carrier to Gmail. Mostly it was to simplify my life when I travel. With Gmail I have access to all my archived emails which I used to keep neatly categorized with Outlook. My secondary reason, however, was that I noticed that almost all the people I knew in their 20s and 30’s were using Gmail. Maybe it would take a couple decades off my age. 😕

My one son helped me do the technical conversion, another tutored me, my daughter encouraged me, and another son just said, “Keep using it. You’ll get the hang of it and love it.”

Well, it’s been a couple weeks and I am getting the hang of it and have it set up just about the way I like it (which means it operates a lot like Outlook) but it wasn’t easy.

It took me numerous calls to my local provider’s tech support, and hours of figuring out how to decipher a new look and learn how to find things under new names and in different places. Letting go of the familiar was not easy. (It was also not easy on a couple of my contacts who reported getting 20-30 blank emails a day saying that they were being returned unread.

All this got me to thinking how it’s even harder to let go of even bigger and more important familiar ways. As my parents consider moving into an assisted living community they are faced with the need to let go of furniture that’s been in the family for decades, knowing the route to the grocery and beauty shop, and neighbors who take care of each other. As they grieve the possible loss of familiar ways and routines, my gmail transition pales in comparison.

I know that any physical move is fraught with tension and frustration as we have to consciously think through new ways to accomplish everyday tasks. Sometimes it’s so much easier just to keep things the way they are, but sometimes we just have to move on. What’s been the hardest part of a transition or move that you’ve made?

Beyond Stuff , ,

365+#30: Too Many People…to help

June 23, 2012 1 comment

That is – too many people for one person to take care of. Our planet has about 7 billion people – all of them valuable human beings who deserve a decent life. I don’t have to listen to the news for long or simply look around my neighborhood to realize that many people need help. There’s poverty, illness, natural disasters, war… People are suffering and I want to help. Questions that arise in my heart are:

  1. How does a conscientious person respond?
  2. How many people can I help and keep my own sanity?
  3. Where do I draw the line?

These questions occur to me partly because I’ve recently been asked to lead a workshop on Life Balance and another on Taming Time. This requires me to look at my own life and assess how I’m doing myself. Here’s what I observed during the last month:

  • I’m coordinating hosting a Korean woman for 3 months,
  • She (Kyung Nam) only stayed at our home for about a week of this time since last week we also started hosting two Korean teenagers for 3 months. Of course this means planning activities, and relationship time.
  • Meanwhile I traveled to visit my aging parents (aged 87 & 94) as they need more help and there are complicated health, housing and family relationship issues to deal with. Of course I like seeing them too.
  • At the same time I got a call from one of my “sub hosts” saying the Korean woman needed a ride to Dayton (an hour’s drive) to help her daughter who is having a hard time adjusting. I decided not to do the chauffeuring but at least to make some phone calls and send out some emails to people in Dayton who could help her daughter connect with local friends.
  • My brother is looking for work after being out of the country for 3 yrs. Can I research some ESL programs that he could teach? Possibly house him while he looks for a job?
  • We MUST, absolutely must, visit our grandchildren in DC for the Baptism of the youngest this weekend. Of course we will also be delighted to see our son and daughter-in-law. Since the Korean teens will be with us, we’ll also do some sightseeing and help with meals.
  • Meanwhile, I want to be attentive to my local faith community’s growth, spiritual life, and social justice projects.
  • I want to pay attention to Church and National politics which I care about. The latest issue is how to support the nuns. How many petitions can I sign, vigils can I go to, emails can I read asking for donations and time, how many doors can I knock on?
  • I need to plunge into writing my book Living Lightly and several other writing deadlines
  • I want to be present to our daughter who will soon be visiting from Afghanistan for a week
  • Oh, oh, just got a couple emails about following up on connecting with national and international Boards I’m on. (Conference calls allow us to reach out to people beyond our physical locale but they also raise expectations about how many people we need to serve.
  • Of course there’s the economic necessity of making a living. Fortunately Jim currently has the more stable income, but I still have my freelance speaking and writing to squeeze between family, faith, health, and solving the world’s problems.
  • Balance means having some fun too – like contra dancing, tending the garden, and walking (although sometimes I consider the latter a chore.)
  • Oh yes, I’m married and don’t want to neglect my honey. We want to spend some face time together.

It’s fine if you just skimmed the list above because what I need to balance is not the point.  Your list will be different, but most people I know of good will, really want to help those in need around them and even far away. The problem is where to draw the line? It’s trite, but WWJD? How do you evaluate who to pay attention to and who to let go of – at least for now – even though all are worthy

For me, I try to put family and those physically close to me first, but sometimes they take a back seat to other people who urgently need my help – at least for a short time. Let me know how you prioritize. Those workshops are looming.

PS: This post is later than my self imposed 1st and 15th of the month schedule for obvious reason.

Beyond Stuff ,

365+#29: Oh, My Aching Back!

June 1, 2012 No comments

PART 1: Periodically my back gives me trouble. It happened recently when I spent a day preparing the garden for spring planting. This zealous gardener over did it. Not to worry. Usually one trip to my friendly chiropractor fixes me up just fine. Oh oh, time to worry. It didn’t work this time and my back continued to ache. This prompted a series of return visits, home remedies, new exercises, and self-doubt.

Eventually, it also prompted me to reflect on my health in general and the meaning of life. (The fact that I’m about to turn 65 and thus have been inundated with Medicare literature and decisions amplified my anxiety.) I really don’t feel old and basically consider myself in good health, but occasionally these little blips come up in my life and can send me into a downward spiral of “Woe is me, I might as well say farewell to my current lifestyle, and prepare to be an invalid.” I know I’m being melodramatic but when something interferes with my health it trumps everything else and it’s easy to become obsessed with what’s wrong.

This experience stirred me to think about the concept of “giving away one’s health.” After all, isn’t life a gradual accumulation of cells and skills until we reach a point (always a few years beyond my own age) when we start to lose cells, abilities, knowledge, and memory. (Of course it doesn’t always happen this neatly like a nice bell curve, but my life has been pretty predictable in this way.) When a curve ball comes my way like an illness of some kind, however, it usually prompts me to pray. (I keep telling God that he doesn’t need to get my attention this way, but God doesn’t seem to agree. Maybe I need to ramp up my divine social network – like friend God on Facebook, follow Jesus on Twitter, or put the Spirit on my email database. 😕

Giving away health to a higher power
Well, prayer seems to mysteriously work – not necessarily in the sense of magical cures – but rather through insight and comfort. Some things that prayer re-teaches me each time I start to wallow in self-pity are:

  1. Calm down. Sitting quietly in prayer calms my over-active imagination and fears.
  2. Put my problems in perspective. I start to remember that many people in our hurting world have much more serious problems than I do. Some have lost a limb, their income, their mind, a loved one, their way…
  3. Communion of Saints. This focus on others reminds me of the old/new Catholic concept of the Communion of Saints. I remember how all of us, living and dead, are united. I call upon my beloved deceased grandparents who were the epitome of unconditional love and generosity. Certainly they have God’s ear and I pray through them.
  4. “Offer It Up.” Typically this leads me to a practice that the good nuns taught us in grade school – “Offer it up.” It made sense to my child’s mind to offer up my little sufferings for others (the souls in purgatory, the starving children in China, etc.) but as a young adult I dismissed this as trite and too passive. Now I return to it with renewed understanding. I start to think of others close to me, especially my own parents and children, who are struggling with various parts of life. It gives me comfort to think that I can let go of my minor suffering and offer it up for the good of another whom I love. It seems to make it useful.

Of course these could all be mind games, but the wisdom of age and faith tells me that God can work through mind games too. How do you deal with health problems?

 

Beyond Stuff ,
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