Should I count by one’s or seven’s. Technically I’ve only committed to giving one thing away a day, but sometimes things come in groups and it just doesn’t seem honest to count lettuce by the leaf or to count each zucchini for a day. Since last Sunday I chose 7 of our son’s sweaters to give away when he was also ready to let go of other winter garb, I’m making up for it by including some additional jerseys, shirts, socks, and pajamas that he said, “What the heck!” when asked about them too. There are at least 7 more items here.
Living Lightly
Susan Vogt on living more simply but abundantlyBrowsing Posts published by Susan Vogt
Although #3 child balked at me giving away anything in his trunk of childhood mementos, he was surprisingly cooperative about letting me give away a number of his sweaters stored at our house. It could be that these were mostly clothes I had bought him, or which had been handed down to him, that he wasn’t all that keen on anyway. Or maybe it’s just that the temperature has been hovering between 90-95 degrees and it’s hard to think about needing sweaters. (I guess if he had really loved them, he would have taken them with him to his apartment.) Anyway, this week I easily collected over 7 sweaters to give away.
As a writer, I spend most of the day, most days, at my computer. Over the years, several of the more common letters have rubbed off (like the E, R, and T). I only realized this when other people tried to use my computer and weren’t sure where these letters were. I started to feel like Vanna White with hidden letters and was tempted to say, “Would you like to buy a vowel?” I guess technically I didn’t give the letters away, but indeed I no longer had them except in the muscle memory of my fingers. I know that in the scope of societal needs this is a frivolous post but sometimes we just have to let go and laugh at ourselves.
Speaking of letters, though, I am aware of the power of the handwritten word. A friend of mine has cancer, does not do e-mail, and wearies of talking on the phone about her illness. Another friend suggested a snail mail letter. What a concept! It takes a little longer and costs 44 cents – at least this year – but sometimes letters are important.
I’ve been avoiding books till I summon up the courage to make some hard decisions. The Encyclopedia Britannica set was an exception. Not only was it published in 1961 but it was missing the “C” volume – probably used as a booster seat years ago. Who uses hard copies of encyclopedia anymore? I called the library for advice – one of the excellent free services of our society. They of course could not use such a dinosaur but they suggested that I donate it to their Friends of the Library sale. No, most bibliophiles would not buy an old encyclopedia either, BUT, they said that some realtors buy such books to use as display pieces in condos or model homes. Some developing countries may be able to use the books also, but shipping them would be expensive. I was happy to have a better use for these volumes than recycled paper.
Airlines have lost enough of my luggage over the years that I’ve learned to pack with just a carry-on and a large purse. (Although I’ve always eventually gotten my stuff back, I once went almost two weeks without my suitcase in a 3rd world country.) Last week Jim and I were returning from a working vacation in Hawaii. Of course Hawaii is known for being relaxed and leisurely and so was the local airline we took between islands. Generally this is a welcome change of pace, but I started to wonder when the ticket taker at the gate didn’t seem concerned that my carry-on for the small plane might not fit in the overhead. Normally they tag it at the gate and I leave it at the end of the sky bridge. Well, no tag and no directions. Jim calmly left his carry-on at the usual place and so did I – but not so calmly. I started worrying about whether anyone would actually put it on the plane without a bright tag. While in flight my worry barometer started escalating and I began taking stock of the things in my suitcase that I would miss if the luggage was lost – permanently.
First, you have to know that I take great pride in my ability to pack small. It’s taken me years to perfect this talent as I’ve accumulated many miniature travel items and trimmed my trip necessities to the bare minimum. Normally I can go anywhere in the world for one week or several months without checking luggage – as long as it’s not cold weather. Yes, I admit, it’s become a compulsion.
So, when I calculated what I’d miss if (when) my luggage was lost on this trip, clothes were the least of my worries. My miniature containers, comfortable but non-bulky shoes, and special light and thin travel wardrobe would take years to find equivalent replacements. I decided that giving things away is much easier than losing things. I choose what I give away, but have no control over things I lose and may never find again. Miraculously, my luggage was at my destination; thank God and prayer.
PS: While I’m on the topic of losing, I noticed that only losing things that are not easily replaceable bother me. I can lose my glasses or lose at cards without losing sleep (and even losing sleep through time changes doesn’t bother me much). Now, losing time – that’s another matter. What bothers you?
As I said in my “Extra blog” a couple days ago, it’s often more challenging to let go of compulsions than to let go of stuff. Just to keep me honest, however, I also gave away some stuff: a 1993 LSAT prep guide (Nobody looks like they’re going to law school soon.), 2 suit cases, an animal skin rug that’s shedding, a Creepy Crawler Kit, a sketch pad, plus 3 more pretty, but useless, rocks found while hiking probably 20 years ago.
I recently took a trip and rented a car. Now I don’t fancy myself a picky person but I found myself a little annoyed when I discovered it didn’t have cruise control and this was a six hour drive. I then realized that I had forgotten my CD’s (to keep me awake) and conditioner for my hair (to keep away the frizzies). These are small things but I found myself stewing about them. I started to think of other trifles and compulsions that rule me more than is warranted. For example, I can be an efficiency freak, multitasking to the point that the task becomes more important than the person in front of me. I also have a thing about “packing small.” I will go to great lengths to avoid checking luggage. These can be fun, and sometimes money saving quirks, but they can also strain relations with those around me who tire of my idiosyncrasies. This is the spiritual side of letting go. It’s often more challenging to let go of compulsions than to let go of stuff.
…things gotten illegally? – like traffic signs? I don’t remember which of our kids liberated the seven large, heavy traffic signs (STOP, Men Working, Speed limit 25 etc.) that were stored in the garage. I don’t know where or how they got them. It’s probably best I don’t know. I listed the signs on an e-mail to neighbors, however, and they were a real hit. Several neighbor kids wanted them for their rooms or the fort they were building. I don’t know if it’s illegal to pass on things gotten illegally, but the kids were very pleased and at least they’re using them for something creative and wholesome.
OK, here’s all the stuff that #3 child absolutely did not want me to get rid of but didn’t want to take himself. I could have given him a deadline and said anything he hasn’t claimed goes to Goodwill as some readers have suggested. In fairness to him, however, he does have a very small apartment. But really – two old Play Stations, combination locks without the combination, papers from college, old role playing games he never plays? Since he was the “close and easy” one I’m defaulting to having one trunk of memorabilia for each of our four children. Anything that can fit in the trunk, I’m willing to store – for now. Of course a “Free Yard Sale” is another possibility. The younger neighborhood kids would love his voodoo doll, Koosh balls, etc.
One of the hardest decisions to make about giving things away are things that I’m quite happy to part with – but don’t belong to me. I decided to start with child #3 since he’s the only one who lives in town and thus is the easiest to check with. I was wrong!
I had chosen 7 role playing games that he was into as a teenager. At 30 I thought he wouldn’t care if I gave them away since he probably didn’t even know they were stored in an old trunk. When I asked, he told me definitively not to get rid of any of his stuff and that this was a silly project. He eventually permitted me to give away some clothing which I’ll highlight later. Hmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought. There’s probably still about 30 items in his trunk, half of which I hoped to pass on. Most of the things he was willing to part with went straight to the trash before I could take a photo. A few miscellaneous items from his old room which are worth giving away, are pictured here. Check this week’s “Extra” for the items he couldn’t live without — but still wants me to store.
No, we’re not giving away the house but, as I’ve reflected on why it’s been relatively easy so far for me to find many things to give away, it’s partly because we’ve lived in the same house for over 25 years. It’s also because I’m both a pack-rat and a good organizer so I can store things in a very compact manner. It occurs to me that many people achieve the goal of decluttering their home by either having a yard sale or moving. Yard sales take a bit of time to organize but they do bring in some cash and spread used items around to other people who can use them – or store them or give them away when they realize they didn’t really need it anyway.
Moving, of course, forces the issue. Military families, employees of companies that require frequent moves, members of religious orders who move out of obedience wherever the need is, may keep their possessions lean because of these mandatory moves. Although moving is unsettling, it does have these advantages.
Of course there are those who move with barely more than the clothes on their backs – refugees, the poor and homeless, immigrants, those who have lost their homes through foreclosure or who live in war zones, etc. I guess this puts it all in perspective. I should be grateful that I have the luxury of extra stuff to give away.
OK, OK, I admit I’ve succumbed to giving away my husband’s and house guest’s shirts this week, but they did agree to it. I tried to give some to our son who lives nearby and is a school teacher but the generation gap kicked in since none were appealing to him. It might not look like 12 shirts, but count the hangers.
First you should know that by temperament and choice I am very frugal. (My kids have a less flattering word for it.) Next you should know that I got my first manicure about several months ago (at age 62) when my daughter “treated” me to it during our mother/daughter rendezvous in Egypt. I have never considered painted fingernails to be especially attractive, practical, or natural (although I know many fine people, including my mother, who regularly get manicures.)
So, what’s this got to do with giving stuff away? Well, we’ve been helping a homeless family pick up some odd jobs since they had absolutely no income – only food stamps and limited medical care. Then I noticed that the 19 year-old mother had gotten a manicure. She was proud of it. I was aghast. I didn’t say anything – until I could privately tell my husband. He challenged me on being judgmental. Knowing the more practical needs and debts that I had hoped they’d spend this odd job cash on, it was hard for me to see them spend it on what I considered an unnecessary luxury. My compassionate side said, “Hey, if you’d had no spending money for months and finally got a little cash through your own hard work, blowing some of it on a luxury is like a mental health break and understandable.” Then my mother side kicked in and said, “She should have put it toward their debt or saved it to buy a cell phone which would help us keep in touch.” My social worker side said, “I should have anticipated this and worked with the family more directly to make a plan for how to use this new found bounty.” I often judge people for being judgmental of others. It’s a hard demon to tame. What bothers you most about other people? What do you do with the judgments you make?
Important PS: I just learned that the manicure was FREE! Apparently the church she was staying in last week, had a professional manicurist offer her services free to the guests. That’ll teach me!
Giving away items that remind us of important events are a dilemma. Do I give away my wedding dress? No – even though my daughter may never be interested in wearing it. Giving away a tux that a relative made for my husband’s Kindergarten graduation was a little easier. It was charming but it was yellowed and it was unlikely that anyone I knew would ever wear it. My husband agreed to let it go. A local photography studio said they’d like it as a costume for children’s photos. I felt good about this use. This week I also gave away 3 small Baptism/First Communion banners, an antler, a rock that my son wished was valuable, a colorful but dusty yarn doll, and fixin’s for long hair that I no longer have. The tux, however, made the best photo.
I guess I’m becoming known as the ‘Give-Away Lady” because a friend was visiting from out of town and brought some books for me to give away. The problem is that he has good taste in reading material – meaning he likes the same books I do. One of the books, Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich, was on my “want to read list” so I devoured it immediately. The other books were of interest to our long term house guest. Oh oh, I’m adding books rather than pruning my book shelves.
Giving away words in the form of a compliment, greeting card, letter to the editor, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, a prayer, or putting out a political sign can take time and thought. I’ve been trying to be more conscious of words these days – both acknowledging a talent in another and refraining from complaining. Since it’s hard to photograph speech, I also found 12 caps around the house – most with various logos. Since I only have one head, I felt that two for me and two for Jim should be plenty. I picked out my favorites. That leaves 8 to give away.
The young couple and their 4 month old baby that I mentioned in the post, “Letting Go Of Privacy” has been staying with us for a couple weeks now. You get to know people on a deeper level when they live with you. We have been impressed with their respectfulness and willingness to work and help out around the house. BUT, having raised 4 children and being a family life educator, I also notice things that I’d like to advise them on. It’s hard enough trying to discern when to advise our own young adults, but even more delicate when the person is not related to you. When is parenting, nutrition, financial, and life skills advice helpful and when does it just sound like criticism? It’s hard to know when I am over-reaching or being over-responsible. On the other hand, if it were my own young adults in need of temporary help, I’d hope that a wise adult would give them solid information about life. What they do with it is up to them. When is unsolicited advice appropriate and necessary and when is it interfering and keeping them dependent? That is the question. Any advice?
Lupus is a serious disease – not a person, but it solved my storage problem brought on by plastering our stairwell. A few days ago, I got an unsolicited call saying that the Lupus Foundation would have a truck in our neighborhood next Thursday. Did I have anything to contribute? I assume it was just dumb luck that they called me. (I don’t think they’ve been reading my blog.) Anyway, it was an easy way to clear out my stuffed stairwell before the plasterer comes. Since many of this weeks items are not new give-aways, I added a few miscellaneous items.
Our house is over 100 years old and we have plaster issues! After 28 years of “living with it” we decided to repair the crumbling plaster in our stairwell. By “we” I don’t mean “me” but we hired a professional plasterer. What does this have to do with giving stuff away – other than a whole lot of dust? Answer: The stairwell is where I’ve been storing my stuff till I find a home for it. See next Sunday’s blog for the solution.
A couple nights ago the phone rang at 10:30 pm – not a good sign. It was the young woman who we’ve been helping through her pregnancy, marriage, and miscellaneous needs. She said she, her husband, and 4-month-old baby needed an emergency place to live for a short time. They discovered that the place they were staying was no longer a healthy environment. (I’ll leave the details to your imagination.) Could they stay with us? Hmmmm. On one hand I’m an extrovert and love company (mostly friends and relatives for a short time). On the other hand, Jim and I have settled into a quite pleasant empty-nest routine where our time is ours to control (mostly). Yes we do a lot of volunteer work and service but it’s on our own terms – not someone else’s schedule. Besides, having been a social worker I am too well aware of how a two week stay can morph into months. So the photo does not mean I’m giving away this cute little baby, but rather giving away space and control of my lifestyle for awhile.
At first I felt compelled to report giving away seven tangible things each week, but today I know that giving away space, privacy, control, and time may be the biggest challenge of this year.
